Women's Leadership Programs Are Setting You Up to Fail

Leadership programs for women fall into two camps: the ones teaching you to lead like a man, and the ones telling you to wait for a full moon before you launch. Both are setting you up to fail.

In this episode, Lemon breaks down why the masculine approach leaves you fractured and exhausted, why the woo-woo approach leaves you ineffective and broke, and what actually works instead: integration.

Listen if you're tired of choosing between power and presence, ambition and devotion, pragmatism and intuition.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Leadership programs for women are basically, I think, split into two camps. The ones that teach you to lead like a man, and then there's the ones that tell you to wait for a full moon before you launch your business. And I think both of them are setting you up to fail. This episode is for the woman who's tired of choosing between power and presence or ambition and devotion, being pragmatic or having an intuition, because I don't think you actually have to choose one or the other. So hi, I'm Lemon Price. Welcome back to the Well Love Society, where I teach women how to lead from a whole place. I believe leadership is a whole life experience. And I really want to see you make an impact in your community, in the world around you. And I think a lot of the leadership spaces are, again, setting you up to fail. And so I do think there's two extremes here. I think we have these hypermasculine programs that are very like lean-in energy. So they're teaching you visibility at all costs. And code switching. I've done a couple of episodes now on code switching. It's about power moves, it's about compartmentalizing yourself. I think a lot of these hypermasculine programs, they teach you how to lead like a man, and you're not. You're just, you're not. And so they teach you to be more aggressive, to be the loudest in the room, to win the room over, to bros, like bro marketing is a term that was coined a couple of years ago. It is showing up like a dude. And I understand how tempting that can be. I have told a story before about my very last corporate job where I was in a nine to five. I was the only female employee. Everybody was very broy. Everybody was very people knew. Like people were like the sales guys were like on drugs, people knew. And but they were rewarded because even though maybe we have a drug problem, we're also getting sales done. And so there was this culture where you could be aggressive, you could act however you wanted, and you were rewarded for that. Being the only female, my my voice, my thoughts, my opinions, they weren't respected or valued. And so for a while, I thought like I had to be more hyper-masculine. And I leaned into people like Gary Vaynerchuk, who were teaching how to run a business. And he would say things like, Your competition is outworking you while you sleep and all these things. And guess what? I burnt myself out because I leaned too heavy into these hypermasculine experiences, these hyper masculine roles. And I went, I just I tried to work like I was a man and it just didn't work. I was visible, I had great visibility, but it was so fractured, it was so splintered. I didn't feel like myself. I was completely exhausted. I was successful, sure. I'm very successful. I was in the C-suite at 26. I was very successful, but I was also miserable. I was miserable. I hated everything about my life. I was so short with people. I didn't enjoy my life. And so hyper-masculine programs, I don't think, work for women. But on the other side, we have these hyper-feminine woo-woo programs, and they teach you to honor your cycle, to listen to the universe. It's off power only. It's feminine energy. Right. And I get it. Their messaging is like, well, your body is secret and intuition is everything, and let the universe provide. And that sounds so cool, but that doesn't work. I remember one time I bought a course, get an update on blogging. That's how I got my start in marketing. I blogged in undergrad. It went really well. It went, it was viral as something could be in like 2012. I did really well. And that's how I ended up in a PR firm. And so I wanted to brush up on what is happening in blogging land, right? So I bought a course from this girl. She's making six multiple six figures a year off her blog. I'm like, that's great. What are you doing? The entire first month of her program was about like learning the moon cycles and like how to operate with the moon cycles. And I was like, girly pop, listen, I understand that's important. You should know your cycle. You should know how your body is responding and all these things. And I understand, but I also am like, I also have to get work done. You still have to get work done. And so a lot of these like hyper feminine like leadership programs, it's like we're really aligned, but also like we're not really making money or we're not like making impact, or we're comfortable being like, you know what? I'm just, I'm on sabbatical from doing anything for months at a time. It just you're very intentional, but I think you're ineffective. I think that you're spending so much time trying to be the most healed and spiritual version of yourself in a lot of these programs that you're ineffective. And so the masculine side tells you to ignore your body. The woo-woo side is well, we only do things when we feel like it, when our body feels aligned, when I'm taking aligned action, that doesn't work either. Or the masculine leadership programs will be like, don't apologize. And the woo-woo side is be direct but soft. Okay. Neither one, I think, gives you permission to be a complete human being with both power and warmth, with ambition and devotion. And again, being pragmatic and having intuition. I think you can do both. And so the masculine approach works until it doesn't. Sure, you could be visible all day, but you don't trust fragmented people. You don't trust people who operate in silos. There is a reason you'll see a lot of times politicians and stuff who want to run for bigger offices will get married because it's weird that you don't have a wife or kids if you're a man, right? It's weird. They're like, what is wrong with you personally? Even though you could be very effective as a congressman. But if you're not married, something is wrong with you. Therefore, I don't trust you for higher levels of positioning. Again, visibility is cool, but you have to be a whole person. Sure, you might get promoted, but you're running on empty. That's not very helpful. Right. And so the women who succeed, and I put that in quotes, they tell me the same thing. I got what I wanted and I hated my life. Same. Same. And so then that's what happens is we take this masculine approach and then we go to this woo-woo one because it's the exact opposite, right? This is what the laws of physics, everything has an equal and opposite reaction. So if you go really hard in the masculine and you burn out because that's what's going to happen, if you lean heavy into the masculine, you are going to burn out. Then the opposite of that is you're going to lean into the feminine. And so, sure, you might be super aligned. Alignment doesn't always pay the bills. I'm sorry. There's a girl trending on TikTok right now who she is getting evicted in New York City right now. I've only seen a couple of her clips. She means like a 30-part series. I'm not watching that, I don't have time for that. But she is talking about the fact that she is an artist and so therefore she can't have a nine to five, but then she doesn't have money to pay the bills. I'm so glad that you are an artist and you feel aligned in your art and all these wonderful things. But you also have to pay rent in New York City. And so being aligned is cool. Having a roof over your head is a whole lot better. You cannot take these big aligned steps if you are worrying about the basic needs that you have, right? Maslow's, what is it, the hierarchy of needs that you have. If you are not meeting your basic needs, then all of this alignment and awareness and all of these things, they don't actually matter. Right? You can't be in a flow and all of these things if you are just spinning your wheels, if your bills are not getting paid. If if your basic needs are not being met, then none of this actually matters. And so I've seen women who go full woo or they go full into faith-led leadership programs and things like that. And it's, I'm so spiritual, I feel so connected to God, I'm all these things. But also, I'm not getting anything done. I'm financially strapped. And so there's a problem with both of these approaches. They assume there is one way to lead. And if you don't fit that way, then you're doing it wrong. And so here's what I think actually works. Okay, so the women who lead well are just integrated. I think you can be powerful and you can be warm. You can ask for what you want, which is masculine and mean it, right? And be kind about it. That's feminine. You can be direct and you can be kind. I don't think they're opposite. I think you can be really clear about what you want without being a jerk. I think you can be nice about it. Boundaries are not mean. I feel like a lot of people struggle on those. They're not mean. Right? You can walk into spaces with intention and also make people feel welcome. Right? You can honor your cycle and hit your deadline. So, yeah, your body does have a rhythm. We are, what is it? I don't know, it's 80%. I don't know. It's we're a high percentage of water. Okay. I am a boat girl. I spent all weekend on the boat. I spent last weekend on a boat. I'm spending this coming weekend on a boat. Okay. I'm always on the water. I understand that the moon has an impact on the water. I understand that I have an app to track the tides, and I am looking and how the moon is impacting the tide and the waves and how high the waves are and the frequency of waves and all those things. Okay. That is something I'm thinking about. So I would be remiss to not talk about the fact that the moon does have an impact on our body because we are predominantly water. So I understand that you have rhythms and that is real, but you also still have business meetings to get to. We don't wait for a full moon to launch our business, right? But we also don't ignore what our body is telling us about when you have energy for what. Right. So the cycle can inform your strategy, but it can't dictate it. Right. Maybe you know during a certain phase or certain week of the month, you're way more creative. And so you get all of your content done for the month and schedule it out then. Cool. That's fine. Do that. I also think you should work out differently depending on the cycle that you're in, depending on the stage of the month that you're in. There's different workouts that you should be doing. There are some months where or some weeks where gentle yoga should be your friend. There's other weeks where you should be powerlifting. It depends on the cycle that your body is in and working with your hormones. But again, it doesn't mean you stop doing something. It just means we maybe shift what we're doing that week, and that's okay. That's okay. Right? You can be both ambitious and really devoted. Right. So you can want the corner office. You could want to be the CEO of a company and also still be present for your family. I think you can be driven and be really grounded. I think it's okay to be content with what you have, but not be complacent where you are. I think that's okay. Right. So you can build something really significant and protect what matters most. My calendar, guess what? My calendar, I put in the beginning of the year, I put in, actually, I do it at the school year when the new school calendars come out. I put in every single school break. Every single school break is in my calendar. I also put in conferences I know I have. I put in, I literally upload my syllabus for school to make sure all the deadlines are met. Right. So I'm protecting what matters most. Family time goes in first. I literally have on my calendar when I'm eating lunch. I have on my calendar when I am prepping dinner, when I'm helping with homework, when I'm doing all those things. And it is marked as busy on my calendar. So nothing can schedule over top of it. But I also know that on the first Monday of every month, I have a junior league meeting and I am that it just is what it is. I have a meeting to go to because it's impactful and it matters. So I can protect what matters most, which is my family time. I can protect my time to go to the gym. I can make sure that I have enough time to eat during the day because that's something that I struggled with for a long time is remembering to eat. And I can also build something significant at the same exact time. I can be pragmatic and I can love Jesus, right? So I can trust what my gut is telling me and I can look at the data and say what works and what doesn't. I can honor my values and make very difficult business decisions. I don't think you have to choose between faith and facts. I think you should use both. And so I think when we do this, when we embrace the fact that we are an entire person, you lead from who you are, not a prescribed model. You get to bring your whole self to the table. And that's the strategic part, right? The warm part, the ambitious part, the grounded part. You get to bring all of them to the table. And so therefore you're not performing anymore, right? You're just, you're integrated. You don't have to be one version at home, another version with your friends, and another version at work. I don't think you have to do that. Do I think that obviously my conversations with my best friend are different than the ones I'm having at the university? Absolutely they are. Absolutely they are. The way I show up is slightly different. My tone is different. The things I'm willing to share are different, but I am not different. My values don't change. The things that matter to me don't change. One might just be a little more casual than the other. And so if you've been in these masculine programs and felt like you were doing it wrong because you wanted to be warm, you weren't doing it wrong. I think the program was incomplete. And if you've been in more faith-based or feminine programs and felt like you were doing it wrong because you wanted to be more effective, you also weren't doing it wrong. I think it was incomplete. I think real leadership for women means that you don't have to choose between being powerful and being present. Again, I don't think that you should choose between being ambitious and being devoted to your family or things that matter to you. And I don't think you have to choose feelings over data or data over your feelings. I think that you should feel good about the business or the job or whatever it is you're doing, but also make decisions based on the data. I think you get to be all of it. You get to be a whole woman with an entire vision for her life and the future and her community and her family. You get to be all of it. And so when you stop choosing between one or the other, or putting focus on one over the other, or leading in a very specific type of prescribed way, I think when you decide you're going to lead as a whole person, when you're going to work with you as a whole being, that's when you actually start leading. That's when you really become someone people want to follow. And so when I built the Well Lived Society, it wasn't masculine or feminine. It's being integrated into both. I want you to lead from your whole self across four different pillars. So we look at your influence, we look at your systems, your presence, how you're showing up to the community. And so then you do get to be powerful and warm. You do get to be ambitious and devoted. You do get to be pragmatic and spiritual. And so if you're ready to stop choosing between being feminine or masculine and really have an integrated whole life experience, I want you to come and join us. Send me a message on LinkedIn. We actually have a fan mail button at the top. You can send them, you can literally text me from that button. It's you'll pay or anything. I know some people have trions or whatever. I don't have that. Literally, you can just text that and I'll get it directly and we can have a conversation. Or there's a link in the show notes if you're like, I would want to do this. There's still founding member rates going on. It's $397 for life. You never have to pay again. It's moving to a subscription on August 1st. So if this is something you feel like you want to do, then come and join us. Because I I really do think that the real influence, the real change happens when you lead as an entire woman, not just fragmented versions of yourself, but a whole complete woman. I cannot wait to see what you build as a whole complete woman, as a woman who is passionate and excited and smart and creative and loving and caring. I can't wait to see what you create. And hopefully you'll come join us in the well of society so we can help you create it. I will see you next week. Tootoloo.