Embracing Divine Timing and Surrender: A Journey of Faith with Vivian Cumins | #136

What happens when the relentless pursuit of perfectionism clashes with the serenity of faith? Join me, Lemon Price, on the Milk and Honey podcast as I engage in a heartfelt conversation with my dear friend Vivian. Vivian opens up about her extraordinary journey toward balancing the demands of life while renewing her commitment to God. From the mental exhaustion she faced to the pivotal moment she rededicated her life to God, Vivian shares how she found purpose beyond mere career ambitions. We discuss how her experience of perfectionism and control during personal and family health crises led her to a deeper trust in God's plan and taught her the value of intentional living amidst life's chaos.

Can the quest for parental approval and societal acceptance shape our faith journey in unexpected ways? In our candid dialogue, Vivian and I uncover how growing up in a perfectionist household influenced her self-perception and habits into adulthood. We explore the pressure of seeking parental approval, the struggles with body image, and the societal judgments that compounded her anxiety. Through sharing personal stories, we highlight how these challenges intersect with our relationship with God, often revealing deeper truths about our faith and identity that we hadn't initially recognized.

How do you surrender your dreams to a higher power without losing sight of them? In the final chapters, we delve into the emotional journey of letting go of perfectionism and surrendering control to God's timing. I share my own experience of facing this at a writer's conference, where I had to come to terms with trusting God's plan over my personal ambitions. Alongside Vivian's testimony, we discuss the spiritual growth that comes from relinquishing control and embracing a purpose-driven life. We wrap up by emphasizing the importance of leadership, community feedback, and the ongoing journey of discovering our heavenly calling.

Connect with Vivian

Vivian is an extraordinary woman—a wife, mother, grandmother, federal government employee of 25 years, and soon-to-be retiree. She’s also a writer, blogger, and podcast host of “Juggling Life, Finding Balance." Inspired by her testimony and life experiences, Vivian speaks to women about living a balanced lifestyle and has two book projects in the pipeline.

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Chapters

• 0:18 Juggling Life
• 9:25 Striving for Perfection Impact on Faith
• 13:39 The Journey of Surrender and Perfection
• 23:10 Journey of Sharing and Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:18

Hey, I'm Lemon. I am just like you, sister friend. Talk about stepping into that overflow that God has for us by becoming those ultimate Proverbs 31 women. Hey, I'm Lemon. I am just like you, sister friend. I knew God had something more in store for me, but I couldn't see a way out of the laundry piles and, frankly, I resented that. Proverbs 31 woman. How was I going to live up to the hype? That is until I found out how to really step into becoming this Proverbs 31 woman through leadership development. In this podcast you're going to find financial freedom, leadership, growth and motivation so you'll be able to do all the things God has called you to do with ease and really step into that land of milk and honey. Welcome back to the Milk and Honey podcast. I'm your host, lemon Price, and I am so excited because I have my friend, vivian on Vivian and I have been trying to make this happen for months. I actually was thinking about this the other day it was September when you were originally, but isn't that wild.

Speaker 2: 1:15

It is wild, life happened and we weren't able to connect, but I think that's perfect though, because this is the time. This is where we're supposed to get together.

Speaker 1: 1:26

Yes, I am literally so excited that we were chatting and just talking. I'm like, oh my gosh, like your husband's a veteran just like mine and we just have so much in common. She was just in my neck of the woods in Savannah, which is really fun. So this divine timing. I'll just say that that's right. I agree, divine timing, and so I'm excited that you're here.

Speaker 2: 1:50

Do you want to tell us a little bit more about yourself and things? My friend, yeah. So I am married to one of my best friends ever best man in my first wedding actually and we've been together for 21 years now, so that's amazing. I have two bonus adult children who also have children of their own, so I'm a glammy to five grandkiddos. I've been with the federal government now for 25 years, looking forward to that retirement. I'm a writer. I have a blog. I will be launching my own podcast on May 1st and it's called Juggling Life, finding Balance. And yeah, I've just been speaking to women about my testimony and what God has shown me about living a balanced lifestyle, and I'm tootling around with two books, so I got a lot of things going on.

Speaker 1: 2:35

I love this. Okay, I'm working on my first book right now and it is such a process to work on, so hats off to you for having like multiple, like good on you. It's tough, yeah, it is tough, and I'm excited because your podcast is about juggling life and finding balance, because I'm excited to hear your perspective on this. That's what we want to talk about today. It's how do you do it when you have all these things going on? When you're a writer, a speaker, you know you're a stepmom, you're a grandma, like you're married, you're traveling how the heck do you do it?

Speaker 2: 3:07

Very intentionally. I think that's probably a word that I've used so much over the last few years. I'll just back up a little bit. So, really, where this all started for me was it's going on four years now, but I had an absolute mental breakdown. Absolute breakdown because of what you just mentioned. I was doing all the things I wasn't doing my first book, I wasn't doing the podcasting or any of that stuff yet, but working myself just almost to the point of mental exhaustion. Actually, I think I was mentally exhausted, but I also was feeling like there had to be more to life than this than working, than striving to be perfect.

Speaker 2: 3:45

I am a recovering perfectionist and control freak. I say recovering because it's an everyday thing that I have to again be intentional about and lean on God for help there. But I just reached a point where I was like there has to be more to my life than this. I was 48 and just reached out to God in the middle of my living room floor and just said I'm tired of my life. There has to be more to it than this. What is my purpose? Do I even have a purpose? Because I know that you died for me and there has to be more than this. So I pretty much rededicated my life. I've been a Christian since I was little and so I just got lost, lost in selfish ambition, lost in just trying to continue to climb the ladder of success with my career. And I reached out to God and said I'm all in. Whatever you have to do to change my spirit, to show me my purpose, to give me that calling that's been waiting for me, I'll do whatever. And so that's when I entered a wilderness season, pretty much immediately following that rededication, and God really had to show. And I knew what was happening because, like I said, I've grown up in church, I've been a Christian for a very long time and I know when you ask for these types of things, you need to prepare, because you're being prepared in that wilderness season.

Speaker 2: 5:04

And so God was what was revealed to me during that time frame, and I won't necessarily go into all those details, but I just didn't trust God at all. I always wanted to be in control of everything, and so I never gave God that control, and that was one of the first things that he revealed to me, and I had to be put in positions to where I had no control. My parents were very sick at one point. I couldn't control that, I got cancer. I couldn't control that and I had to learn to trust and rely on God. And he revealed to me during that time frame, in such a loving way, that I did have a spirit of pride. I did have a spirit of perfectionism and control and lack of trust and faith, and so during this time it took a little while, but I think that I finally was able to build up some of that character. And so during that time frame also too, again, god was just so kind to me and showing me that, yes, you have these spirits in you, but let me show you why. And he revealed some childhood memories that would explain why I have this desire to be perfect, why I have to be in control. And so he revealed some things to me.

Speaker 2: 6:14

And there's a story that I always like to tell, because anytime that I feel myself getting into some kind of an extreme, wanting to be perfect or in control, I think back to this story. But I was five years old and I was in kindergarten and I was getting ready for a nap If you remember nap time when you're little and I remember that I was taking my little blanket and I was fanning it out to lay down. And all the other kids were laid down, but I kept fanning my blanket because when it would lie down it would ripple. And I remember having just such anxiety over that blanket not lying perfectly and so I kept doing it over. And finally, my teachers, if you do that one more time, I'm going to give you a spanking. You need to lay down. And I remember being so mad at her for making me accept mediocrity. This wasn't perfect and she was forcing me to accept that.

Speaker 2: 7:07

As I look back, god was revealing to me, even as a five-year-old how do five-year-olds even how to be perfect or how to be in control?

Speaker 2: 7:14

There was reasons for that, and God started revealing those to me so that I wouldn't be so hard on myself, as he was working on my character. And so when I start feeling like I'm getting into that extreme or whatever, I always think back to that little blonde hair, ponytail girl, just sweet and innocent girl, and give her, just reach out and give her that love and let her know you don't have to be perfect, we have somebody that is perfect, that we can lean on. And so God revealed that to me. And then the other thing was the whole balance thing, and it really showed how out of balance my life was. And he basically just pointed out to me if you do these three things, your life will be a life of balance. And it's putting me first, take care of yourself so you can do the work that I have prepared for you, and to have fun. And those were my three pillars that he gave me, and that's what I talk about now.

Speaker 1: 8:05

That was a lot. That was. I love that. I love this story because I'm like, oh, I'm like these things are so tense, so I want to like touch on. I want to touch on the wilderness season for sure, cause I think we've all been there and it is a little like scary to be in a wilderness season. But then also I would love to know, like, where do you think five-year-old Vivian had this perfectionism and like where did that come from? And where do you think, where do you think that comes from for us? Because I am also a struggling perfectionist and so I would love to. I'm like, for my own benefit, I would love to know your thoughts on that means I'm not a psychologist or anything like that, this is just my experience.

Speaker 2: 8:57

But there's some people that it's a learned behavior and for me I believe it was a learned behavior, even at five, because the memories that I have is and I tease my dad now because he's 80, 81 now and I'm like dad, I'm the way I am because of you, because my dad is a perfectionist. He has always had to have everything perfect and there's reasons why he is the way he is. And as I'm learning history of my family, I'm like okay, that makes sense, You're doing what you were raised to do, so it was just generational. I remember things like I always had to have my bed made before I would go to school and I was late sometimes because my bed wasn't made. I remember watching my dad when he would build things, how frustrated he would get when he couldn't get things just perfect. And he was amazing with everything he did carpentry, mechanics, whatever. My dad can do anything but he had to have it so meticulous all the time and when he would get mad. I remember him getting mad, throwing hammers, punching walls and stuff out of frustration because he couldn't get it perfect, and I observed that and then there was just little things like.

Speaker 2: 10:00

There was a time in my life where I was maturing as a young woman. I blossomed before a lot of the other girls did in my class and so I was top heavy and I wanted to hide it. When you're sixth grade and seventh grade and you're the only one with a body like this, it's embarrassing and so I'd want to hide it. And so I would wear baggy clothes. I'd wear really big baggy shirts and if I had a dress on there for a while I don't know if you remember shoulder pad, Remember those shoulder pads and then, like the dress, the waist would be this drop waist and then the dress would come out. Anyway, I had these dresses and they would have belts that would go with them, but I would never wear the belt, because if I cinched up the belt then I would look a little disproportioned. And so I just remember my dad would be like you look like a slob, you need to go put that belt on. And I look back and I'm like gosh, dad, I have all things to say to a pre-adolescent girl, but he didn't mean any harm by it, but that was his perfectionist coming out right, she's not that tidy, she's frumpy and stuff like that and wanted me to look nice and stuff. And so I look back at those things and I tease them. Now because I'm at that point where it's okay.

Speaker 2: 11:13

But I do think that has a lot to do with it. And when you're little like that and things that I've been reading, it's like children want to want that approval from their parents and if they're seeing that, what makes their parent happy is when you do things perfectly and don't mess up and don't spill your Kool-Aid and don't make a mess at the dinner table and you keep your room clean and your toys picked up. That makes people happy. And so you just keep doing those things to make people happy so that you're getting that approval and stuff. And so that's just. It just kept building and building into each season of my life. I remember in junior high when my hair wouldn't curl perfectly, I'd have an all-out breakdown. My mom would end up calling me in sick to work because I'd get myself so worked up and I was trying to get my hair perfect because if you go to school and your hair was messed up, whatever, you get teased. So it just kept going through every season of my life.

Speaker 1: 12:08

Okay, I love what you said because, first of all, I think you and I it's very interesting when we think about this. So I also was well endowed in my youth and still am. And it's very interesting that I think I took the instead of wearing really baggy clothes, because I was a cheerleader and a dancer. Instead, I was the one who wore two regular bras, two sports bras, and like a cami on top to suck it in and try to minimize it out. And it's very interesting because even I remember six months ago, a year ago maybe, my husband and I we were in Savannah and I had a dress on and I had I don't know, like a bandeau on, because again, I'm still like uncomfortable with it, and somebody actually sent me a very nasty email about how I cannot be a believer if you can see, even like the top of the cleavage line, oh boy.

Speaker 1: 12:57

And how like inappropriate it was for me and all these things and like all of the shame and stuff. Like I was like whoa, I was like am I like? Am I a problem? Anyway, I appreciate you sharing that because I think women needed to hear that, because I know that was something like I. They're almost 34. It is something that I still have to deal with sometimes, but I want to ask you this perfectionism that you dealt with, how did that then impact your relationship with the Lord?

Speaker 2: 13:28

Yeah, it impacted. Let me just say this I didn't know that it was impacting my relationship with the Lord. I didn't know that it was impacting my relationship with the Lord, but that certainly explains why my life has been so unfulfilled. Up until that moment, I was on the living room floor rededicating my life, because I'd been spending my entire life needing everything to be perfect, and that's exhausting. I went to church, I read my Bible, but I just didn't include God in any decision I ever made. I did everything on my own and never looked to Him for anything.

Speaker 2: 13:59

And having everything have to be perfect, like from work-related stuff. I never prayed over my work before. I never prayed over my staff. I never did any of those things, and so I feel like I was doing all of this work, taking control of everything.

Speaker 2: 14:15

God's just been sitting on the sidelines waiting for me to give it up to him and reach out to him and ask him for help, instead of me trying to do everything and to do it perfectly. And so I think, like I said, it's just a very unfulfilling life, and I'm more aware of it now, and I was just never aware of it before until he revealed that to me. And so now that I'm aware of it now and I was just never aware of it before until he revealed that to me and so now that I'm aware of it, I can see when I start getting into those perfectionist tendencies. And then I know I need to back off. And OK, why do I feel like I have to be perfect right now? What am I trying to control and what do I need to ask God, or give it up to God, or ask God for his help?

Speaker 1: 14:53

I love that answer. So how does it feel? It's like a recovering perfectionist, because you just said like we still have perfectionist tendencies, like the control tendencies still come out, like they're going to happen. So then, how does it feel? Because I think that's hard, especially when you're type A and you have these like how is it now emotionally, spiritually, et cetera, for you to be in this place of surrender and like, how does that feel? Did you struggle with the surrender and was that a practice that you had to do? I would love to know about that.

Speaker 2: 15:25

I'm still surrendering every single day and it's hard. I am so not gonna lie. It is hard, and so I just surrendered something last month I guess it was end of March. Like I said, I have these two books that I've been dabbling in and went to a writer's conference last month.

Speaker 2: 15:44

And I really felt okay, god, I think it's time, I think this is it. I'm going to start pitching this, I'm going to start really getting into it and we're going to see this happen, because I do feel like God has given me that promise you will publish a book. It's deep in my spirit and so I know it's there, and so I was like trying to push the timeline up and thinking that this was going to happen at this writer's conference. And when I got there Lamin, I'm going to tell you what I cried every single night in my cabin. I had another breakdown on the floor.

Speaker 2: 16:15

Me and floors. We got something. Oh. And so I'm just like I just I don't. For whatever reason, I didn't want to be there. I wasn't interested in meeting anybody, networking with anybody.

Speaker 2: 16:27

I met with one agent and he gave me some feedback and I took it so personally that it just destroyed me and I'm like why are you acting like this? And I went on a walk to try to clear my head and I'm sitting on this bench and I felt like this breeze, and I felt like in the midst of that breeze it was stop, stop striving for something that I don't have for you. Right now. This is not the season. And so the other thing that came over me was you have got to surrender this book idea to me. It is not your book. Neither one of them are your books. They're my books, and when I'm ready for you to launch them, I will tell you. And until then, I've already outlined these things. You need to keep doing the things that I've already told you to do. And what would you seriously do right now if an agent said yes, let me sign you. I need to get the first six chapters by I don't know June? I would have freaked out. There's no way.

Speaker 2: 17:26

I work full time, and so it just was like you have got to surrender this to me. It's not yours, it's mine, it's always been mine. Oh my gosh, I'm sitting there on that bench and I'm just bawling because I'm like, I get it, I get it, but it's just. I felt like I was surrendering my dream and I was grieving. God is not telling me no, it's not going to happen, he's just saying not yet. But I had to grieve that. It was like a two and a half hour drive home from that conference and on that drive home, me and God just talked it out and I'm okay now. But I have to be cautious because I will likely fall back into that again. When I'm ready to launch this book again and he tells me not yet, I'm going to have to surrender it probably. Yeah, it's.

Speaker 1: 18:06

I love that you said you grieved right Because God didn't tell you no. And even if he did tell you no, we talk about we haven't had any biological children.

Speaker 1: 18:16

Even if God did say no, or it's not going to look the way you think it is, it's not on the timeline you think it is. I think it's okay to grieve a little bit and be like okay, I trust you, lord, like I trust the timeline, I trust the process, I trust the timeline, I trust the process, I trust you in this. But also it's okay to say this kind of sucks I wanted to do it now and it doesn't feel good. And not that God promises us that it's ever going to feel good, or just that His purpose is greater than ours. Trusting in that, oh, I love that.

Speaker 2: 18:45

I just feel I've been through it the last three years. You know wilderness season. I've been through it the last three years. You know wilderness season. I went through a spiritual warfare season which I had never experienced that before and that really was craziness. And so now I'm just in this surrender mode and that is so incredibly new to me. I'm almost 52 years old and it's embarrassing to say that I'm like I've never surrendered to Christ. But I feel like I've just held on for so long and so I'm having to loosen that grip and let go, and my flesh hates it. So I find myself having to just talk myself through it a lot and say, ok, it's going to be OK. And here's the other thing too I have to be OK with. If, say, for instance, I write this and it never gets published in my lifetime. I have to be okay with I might not see it on this side of heaven. And so I've had to really get to that point where it's I'm okay with whatever, because it's not mine, it's just not mine.

Speaker 1: 19:46

I love this conversation so much. If you had to leave our listeners with a piece of advice about surrendering or perfectionism or anything like that, what would you say to them?

Speaker 2: 20:00

Oh, first thing I would say is you know what, even if you're not ready, even if you're like, oh, I don't want to, I don't want to ask God for that, I don't want to give this up. I don't want to ask God to help change me, ask Him change at a little bit of time. Give me the desire to want change. I think that's so important because, like I said, I went my whole life up until about four years ago not realizing that's what I needed. And so, if you're finding yourself striving, if you're finding yourself feeling unfulfilled and stressed and overwhelmed, ask God to show you what's the underlying reason for that. And God, like I said, god is so kind, he's not just going to whack you over the head and be like. He'll show you.

Speaker 2: 20:40

In scripture, somebody might. You might see it on a podcast, you might hear it today. God will start planting those seeds to get your spirit ready for the preparation and stuff that he needs to do in you. I would just say reach out to God and say show me where I need to come up higher, and then just be open and listening to his voice for each little pebble that he drops.

Speaker 1: 21:01

I love that so much. I love the conviction that you have about this topic now, having gone through it, and I feel like if you can do it, then anybody can do it, as somebody who was a perfectionist and works on that. So I just want to thank you for being here. Where can everybody go to connect with you and just talk to you more, because I know that they're going to want to.

Speaker 2: 21:21

So I'm real easy to find. So my website is VivianCumminscom and you spell my last name C-U-M-I-N-S, so VivianCumminscom, and we've designed that website so you can get a lot of information. So I got a blog there where I write a lot of stuff. I have been published on YouVersion four times so I've got some three-day devotionals out there from YouVersion you can link to there's. Also, you'll be able to get to the podcast starting May 1st. You can get there from that page.

Speaker 2: 21:52

First started writing and getting some things out there. Three, four years ago I developed a website called Memory Blogger and really I just wanted to write my memories because I'm very nostalgic and I love storytelling. One of the books that I'm working on is my Husband's Life, and there's a lot of things that people didn't know about, and so we wanted to capture those things. I didn't want to get rid of that website. That's my baby. I love that website, and so what we do now is I open it up to other people that either they're aspiring writers or they just want to share their testimony or they have a memory they'd like to put out there. They have a way that they can go in there, submit it to me. I'll edit it for them and I'll get it published for them on that site, and we've got a couple of writers out there that are trying to get their start, so, yeah, they can go there as well.

Speaker 1: 22:41

I love that. I will link to all of this below. Please reach out to her and connect. She's got a lot going on and you're going to want to be in her orbit, so I'm very excited. So just thank you again for being here, my friend. I'm excited that we're doing this now and not back in September.

Speaker 1: 22:59

That really the podcast wouldn't have probably been on your radar. See, look at that, all divine timing. So just thank you again for being here, my friend, and until next time, bye, bye. Hey friend, what a joy it has been to share today's journey with you. If you found a spark of inspiration or a nugget of wisdom that resonated, would you bless someone else by sharing this episode with them? It could be the encouragement they need to step into their purpose and calling. Also, if you could spare a moment to leave a review, it would mean the world to me. I really appreciate your feedback and it really helps our community grow. Remember, the road to discovering God's call for you isn't one you have to walk alone. So join me again next Monday for another episode where we'll continue to explore the depths of leadership and the heights of our heavenly calling. Until then, keep seeking, keep growing and keep trusting in his plan. God bless you and I'll catch you on the flip side. Bye, friend.