Post-Traumatic Growth: How to Thrive Beyond Life's Hardships | Kendra Nielson #126

Imagine finding profound personal strength in the aftermath of life's most challenging moments. Today on the Milk and Honey podcast, I, Lemon Price, sit down with licensed therapist and life coach Kendra Nielsen to explore the extraordinary concept of post-traumatic growth (PTG). Through our candid conversation, Kendra sheds light on how acknowledging and validating trauma, rather than rushing to a false sense of positivity, is essential for genuine healing and growth. Learn how by facing and processing our experiences, we can transform into stronger, more resilient individuals.


To help you navigate your journey, we provide practical tips such as journaling, seeking therapy, and practicing gratitude. Discover the powerful role of community and shared wisdom in fostering growth, and find inspiration in using your story to mentor others. This episode wraps up with an invitation to connect with Kendra for further support and an encouragement to stay connected with our community. Join us on this path to uncover the strength that lies within and step into the land of milk and honey that awaits you.

Connect with Kendra
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Contact → fulfillment.therapist@gmail.com

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Schedule 1:1 Coaching → https://fulfillmenttherapy.org/1-on-1-coaching

Chat → 1-855-542-8008

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I am so excited for this episode. Meet my friend, kendra Nielsen. We are going to talk about post-traumatic growth. We're going to talk about growing through experiences and shifting your mindset around them. So stay tuned. Kendra is a licensed therapist, so this is one episode you do not want to miss. Hey friend, welcome to Milk and Honey with Lemon.

Speaker 1: 0:24

The Bible says in Numbers 14, 8, and if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. On this podcast, we talk about stepping into that overflow that God has for us by becoming those ultimate Proverbs 31 women. Hey, I'm Lemon. I am just like you, sister, friend. I knew God had something more in store for me, but I couldn't see a way out of the laundry piles and, frankly, I resented that Proverbs 31 woman. How was I going to live up to the hype? That is until I found out how to really step into becoming this Proverbs 31 woman through leadership development. In this podcast, you're going to find financial freedom, leadership, growth and motivation so you'll be able to do all the things God has called you to do with ease and really step into that land of milk and honey.

Speaker 1: 1:15

Welcome back to the Milk and Honey podcast. I'm your host, lemon Price, and I'm so excited because I have my friend Kendra Nielsen with me today. She's a licensed therapist, she's a life coach, she's a podcaster and she's the founder of Fulfillment Therapy. She's a wife and a mom of four kids how amazing is that? And then she helps people meet their neglected needs and invest in themselves so they can strengthen their marriage and families. So thank you for being here, kendra.

Speaker 2: 1:41

It's fun to be here with your energy. I love interacting with people like you, so thank you?

Speaker 1: 1:47

Oh my gosh, thank you. I just had this conversation with somebody earlier today. It's so funny because you could be really high energy or you could be really chill, and I'm like it just depends on the combo, but what's the vibe? I can match the vibe, so just thank you for being here. I'm excited because we're going to talk about something that I literally just recently discovered. Obviously, you probably know it way better than I do, but we're going to talk about post-traumatic growth. I don't even know a lot about it because, like I said, I've only heard one other person say this before, and so I would love to. What even is post-traumatic growth, my friend?

Speaker 2: 2:22

Yeah, I'm happy to tell you, and we're talking about trauma in a sense right now too, and I'm like, oh, it can be so heavy. But that's why I love post-traumatic growth and just for the sake of it, I might refer to it as PTG sometimes because it's a mouthful, but OK, this is what it is, short and sweet. So it involves the positive psychological changes that people experience after struggling with things like life crises or traumatic events, so anything really big in your life, and rather than bouncing back to who they were before, they experience this significant personal growth and transformation. So if you see that personal growth in somebody's life and that transformation more from before their experiences, that's what post-traumatic growth is yes, okay.

Speaker 1: 3:11

Now I'm like thinking about okay, this is going to sound so crazy, maybe I'm going to turn this into like therapy. I think about, like my own trauma things that I've gone through, and we talked about this a little bit. The biggest blessings in my life and my biggest amount of growth has come from trauma. Would I wish this on anybody? Absolutely not. Do I want to have walked through the things I've walked through? Absolutely not. But also I'm in this weird place where I'm really grateful that those things happen so I can be the person I am now.

Speaker 2: 3:42

Yeah, so I can be the person I am now. Yeah, this conflict I can completely understand, because, of course, we don't want those really challenging, hard, difficult things to happen, and yet we know that those things are what make us who we are Like. It's like the rough parts get rubbed off and we are refined. Like one of my favorite little quotes is through the fiercest fire, the finest steel is forged. And do we want to be refined? Are we going to allow ourselves to transform? And I love talking about this stuff because I think part of it is in therapy A lot of people want to stay so.

Speaker 2: 4:20

As a therapist, a lot of people want to stay stuck in that victim mentality and just be like, oh, this happened to me, all these things are going wrong, and just they stay stagnant.

Speaker 2: 4:31

It keeps them down instead of there's a place for that, and I want to be very clear about this Lemon. There can be something and I'm going to briefly talk to this because this could go on a tangent but there's something called toxic positivity that you may have heard of before. This could go on a tangent, but there's something called toxic positivity that you may have heard of before. But this is when we often invalidate our experiences, like of trauma and everything, in our attempts to quickly jump to positivity. So I am not saying that we need to jump to this positivity in order to have that growth and that transformation, and there's something really important about giving ourselves space to heal and feel and validate and then move up. Don't stay stuck, and I'm sure plenty of people that you can think of that maybe just stay stuck or they're so focused on positivity that they miss that growth from validating their experience and having compassion and feeling their feelings. So there's this balance. If that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Yes, 100%. This is something. I have a therapist. I love her because we I realized that there was a lot of things that have happened in my life that I haven't fully addressed and it was really easy to see how I had out. We're getting full transparent here, guys. Like there was a moment with my husband where, for whatever reason and my therapist is trying to figure out the reason but I completely disassociated. Oh yeah, in a moment that I was intimate with him. It's never happened but I was sexually assaulted and she's because we started working on this trauma. I think that's why you disassociated. We've been working through it.

Speaker 1: 6:06

But I'm like, okay, so there's things like I have to heal and all those things, but then there's other things, like leaving an abusive marriage. That was the catalyst for all of the growth that I've had. And do I wish that on somebody? Absolutely not. And but I can look at like people who have caused trauma. I actually just had a former relationship reach out to me after 14 years and say, hey, guess what? I realized, like what I did was actually really traumatic and not okay. He found me on Instagram, which was super weird, and then I froze for a minute and then I looked at it and I was like I have like peace in my heart, like I'm not saying what he did was okay, but I also don't hold you. I'm not like in a weird spot anymore and I also can see how, like that relationship and the things that happen put me in a completely different spot to be where I am today. Yeah, it's a very complicated feeling.

Speaker 2: 7:01

Absolutely, and it sounds like you were able to move forward and heal from a lot of those things, whether he was there or not, whether he offered that or not, and that's amazing. It sounds like you have a therapist, so you're doing the work, and there is work involved in this. This is not a passive thing, which is what I speak to all the time on my own podcast. If you don't mind me sharing, there's a couple of quotes I might share throughout that kind of say this a little more succinctly, but one of them this is by Lawrence Calhoun, and he was a big researcher and developer of post-traumatic growth and helps us understand what it is. But he said, trauma has the potential to shatter us, but it also has the power to shape us into versions of ourselves we never imagined possible. I am doing the things that I do because of my experiences, and you said this is a therapy session. I'm going to give you a few examples.

Speaker 2: 7:57

Myself, I've had plenty of trauma, and we all have, but my dad died pretty tragically and so did my brother years later. I've experienced abuse and miscarriages, lots of job losses in my family, preemies, massive medical bills, health problems. I've dabbled in a lot of trauma. I guess you could say it wasn't until my brother's death a couple years ago that I really felt that growth and that transformation come, and it finally helped me dive in to all these things that I've been wanting to do or had considered a little bit, because that was the tipping point that helped me realize that you know what we have one life, we only have one shot to work through all of these things that we're experiencing and we can either do it courageously or we can sit back in that fear. And yes, I still have fear. Yes, I still am nervous about the things that I'm doing, and had I not had that experience with, I can't imagine experiencing my life right now without that gave me, which was courage.

Speaker 1: 9:19

And this is why I think this is so complicated, because it's. Do I want to walk through those things? Absolutely not. If God laid out, here's everything you're going to walk through in life, but on the other side you're going to be this incredible person. This is how I designed you and everything, and I know you're going to walk through things and they're going to be really difficult, but you're going to come out on the other side. I don't know that we would want to do it.

Speaker 2: 9:45

Yeah, it's hard. I've thought about that too. What would I sign up for? If we're like raising our hand, I'll take that one. These are all for. The whole purpose is to refine us and make us our best selves. Make us more depending on your value and who you're talking at, your value system, but more like God or whatever it is. You can't become that way by just sitting around hanging out eating bonbons and being passive, but it is. If we knew exactly how hard they were, would we go through them? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 10:12

It sounds like you'd say no, yeah, it's yes and no. I know that I still have a lifetime of things that I'm going to have to walk through when you think about all the things that you have to walk through, but then I'm like grateful for it too. I love this idea of post-traumatic growth. I had a moment in October where I got devastating news five minutes before I finished my speaker certification and it wrecked me. I was hysterical.

Speaker 1: 10:37

The judges they're like if you don't want to do this, it's okay. Like we understand what you're walking through, it's okay. And I was literally. I was next on stage and I was like nope, I was like because this trauma doesn't get to stop me from the thing that God's called me to do, and it was a quick recovery and I can go back and watch the recording. Other people couldn't tell they were like you were fine. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm like, but I know me and I knew that I was rattled, but it was like a bounce back almost, because I've had to flex the muscle so much like the bounce back was quicker.

Speaker 2: 11:08

Yeah, yes, I love how you said that, like flexing that muscle, bouncing back quicker, because you've experienced so many of those things and you think about somebody that's maybe living a really sheltered life, hasn't experienced very much like. They are totally laid out and I have compassion and empathy. But it always makes me laugh a little bit when there's like this trauma competition among teens sometimes and they're like oh yeah, my grandma died last year, like, and not that often they don't even have a relationship really with their grandma and that is very significant for them and yet it's something very different when somebody dies when they're elderly and they don't really know them, versus very traumatic death that is scarring for generations to come. You know what I mean. Yeah, I don't know. It's a challenge. Actually, when you were saying that, it reminded me of something else that I just found out and I'm going to give you a little self-disclosure here. Just an hour or two ago, I found out something that I haven't even talked to anyone else about, so publicly on the air. This is the first time I'm talking about it.

Speaker 2: 12:14

In this journey of me doing this, I've been a therapist and put all of my eggs in that basket for a while and then, after my brother's death, I was like, no, I have to do something else that brings greater purpose into my life, and that is podcasting and starting fulfillment therapy, my business and helping others become their best self Doing that. Cold turkey does not bring in the bacon, so to speak. And I have this wonderful husband that was willing to support me as I build this up. He just changed jobs. He's also a therapist and they just informed him that somebody aggressively pursued his job and eventually ended up succeeding after he just got it, and so he doesn't have his job anymore.

Speaker 2: 13:00

And I'm like I'm in the middle. We have seven people that live in our home. We have an exchange student here, our four kids, both of us and I am just floored and I'm thinking about you how you said you had this quick recovery and you bounced back. We've actually experienced this financial uncertainty, a lot with job losses. They're so unstable when you're working for other people. There's things you can't control. Yeah, this has derailed me a little bit and I do want to bounce back quickly and I know, like when he was, he's like trying to get me to just engage with him and I'm like, hey, I know myself, I know I need some time to process this. I know that anything I say right now is not going to be my best self, so I need to just think through this. I need to give myself some space, some time to feel these things and through that then I can really find that hidden reservoir of strength. And that's a really important part of the journey.

Speaker 1: 14:04

Yes, I love this. I have to process it in order to recover and to get to that place, and that was, I think, for me. So, for this example that I used, we've had so much trauma with this particular person that it's almost like normal in our world at this point, and so the recovery time has gotten way shorter than it used to, just because it occurs now on a very regular basis for us. And giving yourself this faith, because I know when we first had this experience, it took a long time and it consumed a lot of our energy. And now that it's become almost normal, like it doesn't even faze us, like we've got this, we're like, we're fine, it's fine, go ahead and do what you're gonna do. How do you because I know we've both been in this space but like, how do you really pull yourself out of? I'm a victim to? I'm going to take this opportunity to grow. They have a really good question.

Speaker 2: 14:59

So how do you take yourself out of a victim to how you're going to grow? That's something that I speak to a lot, with this victim mentality versus this ownership mentality, and I have all this training on it, but essentially it is just well. There's a few key steps that you can do, but first and foremost, find a mentor or a therapist or whoever it is that can really help you get out of that mindset and say, hey, I really want to focus on this, I really want to find a way to move from this we call it below the line versus above the line, so that below the line is that victim mentality, that below the line is that victim mentality, that above the line is that ownership mentality, where you start to shift from this is happening to me to this is happening for me and you change your dialogue. There's a lot of things in therapy cognitive behavioral therapy where you can change your thoughts, but there's a lot of tips and things that you can do. But Lemon, it's not a quick fix and I know so many people want it to be. It's just these subtle 1% adjustments, because that's what changes us. I know a lot of people have heard about tiny habits and atomic habits. Atomic habits, I believe, is the one that talks about James Clear the 1% adjustments. So if we do 1% adjustments over a year, that's 27 times better throughout the entire year. And we're talking these little changes, for example, in this case, of trauma.

Speaker 2: 16:24

So I'll give my experience with my husband losing his job. Maybe I'm not ready to bounce back quite as fast as you did Lemon, but maybe I can say you know what I'm going to give myself a couple days. I'm going to journal, I'm going to talk to a friend, I'm going to do whatever self-care that I can to give myself some space to feel these things without shame, and then I'm going to move forward. So if you're looking for tips or tricks, I would say self-care. I would say supportive relationships, finding a therapist. I'd say reflect on your values and the lessons that you've learned and journal about it. Be open to change and practice that gratitude. I know a lot of these. Are these like simple answers? But those simple answers are what actually bring the change. So being intentional about it, so much of it is about intentionality.

Speaker 1: 17:22

I love that you said that, because I think it is. It's just a decision, right, it's a decision and a commitment to that decision to do something different and to decide that you're not going to sit in this place anymore. If you had to leave everybody with one final piece of advice, what would it be, my friend?

Speaker 2: 17:42

Ooh, that's a good one. I'll leave you with one quote and then just final thoughts on that. So, post-traumatic this is by Richard Tedeschi and he's also the founder of this concept too. But he said post-traumatic growth is not about returning to who you were before the trauma. It's about becoming someone new, someone stronger and more resilient in the face of adversity. We're not trying to go back to who we were. We're trying to become someone stronger. And there is hope, there is light, even though we might not feel it right now, and there's a space for both. They don't have to negate each other or contradict each other.

Speaker 2: 18:25

Not staying stuck where you can't become a better version of yourself. And I think about I often think about ripples. What kind of ripples are we spreading? What kind of person do we want to be? What kind of example do we want to be, whether to our children or people that are looking up to us, whatever it might be If we stay stuck. Think of the story that they're going to tell of us. Going back to that experience with my brother, I mentioned how both my dad and my brother died really tragically, really heart-wrenching ways. I think about their experiences a lot and if I could give them anything, I would go back and try to help them live more fully, without regret, and courageously and really fully enjoy this one life that they're given. And we have that opportunity.

Speaker 1: 19:17

Well, I love that advice. Listen, it's so good. What legacy do you want to live and what are we going to do? If you're still breathing because you're listening to this podcast, then God's not done with you. Yet there is something more he has for you. Don't push past. Whatever it is. You've walked through because there's a reason for it. That's where I've gotten to is there's a reason for it sorry to interrupt you.

Speaker 2: 19:40

There's a tiny quote that says find your wound find your purpose.

Speaker 1: 19:44

My she always says your story is meant to be mentorship for someone else. I love that and I fully believe that. I just had an experience just yesterday with somebody who my first husband was addicted to opioids. It was violent, it was all of the thing, and we've been divorced now for over six years. Somebody knew my story, told it to a friend who was walking through something right now and she reached out and she's hey, I'm alone in this. And I'm like no, you're not. You're not alone Cause.

Speaker 1: 20:13

I've gotten to a good place with it and I hold no animosity and all those things like and I can be here to support you while you walk through it, and so I'm like I can see all the time. I'm like I can see why this happened, I can see why we've gotten here and the conversations I can have because of it, and so I love that it's a decision, it's an intentionality and it's a commitment to doing something with it. I love that your wounds find your purpose. So, kendra, thank you friend. Where can everybody go to connect with you? Because we use the. This became our personal therapy session guys. So if you want to go listen to her podcast or I don't know, do coaching or therapy with Kendra, then go find her. So where can they go and connect with you?

Speaker 2: 20:56

I appreciate that. Fulfillmenttherapyorg you can find me and that's got my podcast listed on there. I'm on all the major podcast apps, but you can also email me at fulfillmenttherapist at gmailcom If you want to. Yeah, like you said, coaching or therapy you can reach me there.

Speaker 1: 21:13

Thank you for being here, friend. This was super enlightening for me.

Speaker 2: 21:16

Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed it. Your energy is so much fun and it feels like we've known each other for a long time and it hasn't been that long, thank you.

Speaker 1: 21:27

Hey friend, what a joy it has been to share today's journey with you. If you found a spark of inspiration or a nugget of wisdom that resonated, would you bless someone else by sharing this episode with them? It could be the encouragement they need to step into their purpose and calling. Also, if you could spare a moment to leave a review, it would mean the world to me. I really appreciate your feedback and it really helps our community grow. Remember, the road to discovering God's call for you isn't one you have to walk alone. So join me again next Monday for another episode where we'll continue to explore the depths of leadership and the heights of our heavenly calling. Until then, keep seeking, keep growing and keep trusting in His plan. God bless you and I'll catch you on the flip side. Bye, friend.