Milk and Honey with Lemon Price™ | Become the Ultimate Proverbs 31 woman through Leadership Development
98. Navigating the Heart of Caregiving: Marsha Gray Hill's Journey of Grief, Faith, and Love
February 28, 2024Lemon Price, Christian Business Mentor, Leadership, Life Coaching, Speaker, Homesteader, Top Network Marketing Leader, Proverbs 31Season 3Episode 98
98. Navigating the Heart of Caregiving: Marsha Gray Hill's Journey of Grief, Faith, and Love
Milk and Honey with Lemon Price™ | Become the Ultimate Proverbs 31 woman through Leadership Development
When the world outside is crumbling, where do we find the strength to hold our loved ones close? Marsha Gray Hill, a poignant voice from the South, joins me on the Milk and Honey podcast to unfurl her journey through the terrain of loss and faith during the pandemic's darkest days. Her narrative is a mosaic of love, caretaking, and the indomitable spirit of her late mother—a beacon of Christian faith and service. As Marsha speaks, her words are a bridge connecting the profound grief of her personal loss with the universal quest for comfort and understanding in the aftermath of saying goodbye.
About Marsha: Marsha Gray was born and raised in Kinston, North Carolina, before marrying her husband, Gregg, and becoming Mrs. Marsha Hill in 1976. Her adventurous life of raising five children alongside her eldest son’s burgeoning professional tennis career included lots of love and way too many drives down I-95 in a massive Southwind camper.
Fifteen grandchildren later, Marsha is still a southern girl, splitting her time between Georgia and Florida. Her family is her pride and joy, and while caring for her mother throughout the COVID pandemic, she experienced firsthand what it’s like to advocate for a deteriorating parent.
This experience inspired her to become a voice for compassion and human dignity.
When the world outside is crumbling, where do we find the strength to hold our loved ones close? Marsha Gray Hill, a poignant voice from the South, joins me on the Milk and Honey podcast to unfurl her journey through the terrain of loss and faith during the pandemic's darkest days. Her narrative is a mosaic of love, caretaking, and the indomitable spirit of her late mother—a beacon of Christian faith and service. As Marsha speaks, her words are a bridge connecting the profound grief of her personal loss with the universal quest for comfort and understanding in the aftermath of saying goodbye.
About Marsha: Marsha Gray was born and raised in Kinston, North Carolina, before marrying her husband, Gregg, and becoming Mrs. Marsha Hill in 1976. Her adventurous life of raising five children alongside her eldest son’s burgeoning professional tennis career included lots of love and way too many drives down I-95 in a massive Southwind camper.
Fifteen grandchildren later, Marsha is still a southern girl, splitting her time between Georgia and Florida. Her family is her pride and joy, and while caring for her mother throughout the COVID pandemic, she experienced firsthand what it’s like to advocate for a deteriorating parent.
This experience inspired her to become a voice for compassion and human dignity.
Yeah, I told you it was going to be a time of authors and so this whole month we've had some really incredible guests. So we've had Barbara Jo Jenkins on talking about her story, we had Camille, who talked about Marcia's book, and you're going to hear a little bit of Marcia's story. Marcia found herself suddenly becoming a caregiver for her elderly mother during the Big C of 2020 and just talks about how the Lord really worked in and through her during that time and just the relationship she has with the Lord now. So tune in for this fabulous episode. Friend, hey friend, welcome to Milk and Honey with Lemon. The Bible says in Numbers 14-8, and if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. On this podcast, we talk about stepping into that overflow that God has for us by becoming those ultimate Proverbs 31 women. Hey, I'm Lemon. I am just like you, sister Friend. I knew God had something more in store for me, but I couldn't see a way out of the laundry piles and, frankly, I resented that Proverbs 31 woman. How was I going to live up to the hype? That isn't until I found out how to really step into becoming this Proverbs 31 woman through leadership development. In this podcast you're going to find financial freedom, leadership, growth and motivation so you'll be able to do all the things God has called you to do with ease and really step into that land of milk and honey.
Speaker 1:
Welcome back to the Milk and Honey podcast. I'm your host, lemon Price, and I am so excited because today I have my friend, marcia Grayhill, and she is y'all, she is probably one of my favorite people. You guys will know Camille, who she's already been on the show, and Camille helped her write this beautiful book and as soon as I saw her book I was like Marcia is my people, she's very Southern, she's amazing. So Marcia here, I just I love her. Her book is really about the last three and a half years and what has happened in America and what it was like when she lost her mama in the middle of that awful pandemic, and so she used this beautiful book to really just help her process her grief and make sense of what happened. And so just thank you for being here, marcia.
Speaker 2:
Oh, it's so great to be here. Thank you, Lemon.
Speaker 1:
I am so excited that you're here. I'm telling you, I texted Camille when I saw your book cover and y'all I will link to her book down below. But when I saw it I was like she is my people because you are Southern, born and bred right, and so you're my people.
Speaker 2:
Yeah definitely Southern, born and bred.
Speaker 1:
I love it. I love it. So talk to me about writing this book and tell me a little bit about your story, my friend.
Speaker 2:
It was important for me to write this book because in order to get through grief, you got to have a lot of grit, and that's like the title. It's also a book about my mom and how I lost her during the pandemic. She touched everybody's lives that she ever met. She was a giver. She gave to everybody. She was a huge Christian lady. In fact, one of my endorsers wrote that she was the most godliest person they've ever met. It's also a story about me, the lessons I've learned and how I've grown, and also about the lessons that my mom taught me in every stage of her life. It was hard losing mom during the pandemic, but it was very traumatic how it happened and she wasn't just a number. She was an amazing lady that lived an extraordinary life and it was just very traumatizing. And I just feel if we don't tell my mom's stories because she didn't die of a dignity, and if we don't tell my mom's stories or other people's stories, we're just not going to learn from everything that happened. Tell us why.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and I love and appreciate why you wrote this book, because I think people need to hear, it, right, I think, especially the lessons your mom's imparted on you. And before we hit record, you were telling me your mom was like the most Christian woman ever. And so how did your mom's faith and the things that she taught you like? How did that shape you?
Speaker 2:
Gosh, from the time I was born until I met my husband at age 18, I had never missed a Sunday in Sunday school. So that's what kind of Christian she was. But she mostly led by example. She wasn't a cram it down your throat Christian, she just led the Christian life. She took kids to Sunday school that didn't have rides or kids that were less fortunate. She was in charge of all the youth at church, all the plays. She took a handicap man home every night from church. We were there every night. Every time the doors were open at church we were there. And but again, it was her example.
Speaker 2:
She was such a soft kind, she just even when she was dying. The lessons she taught me in such a quiet way. I'm still looking back on those because she never wanted to bother anybody else and she was always giving to others but she didn't ever get it in return. And so when she died, I'm like, how is my mom dying like this God? And why is? Why are we? She is not surrounded by loved ones and of all people on this earth, she's the one that should have the most beautiful end of life and the most honored, because she just took care of others. And I'm like, how is this happening to her? People were.
Speaker 2:
It was the early part of the pandemic and so people were, everybody was scared, everybody was scared and I couldn't get help and people were scared to even come walk by her door. And I'm like, oh my gosh, how can this be happening to my mom that gave her life like Jesus did and she was just that kind of Christ like person. How can this be happening? I had I, she had dementia and Alzheimer's and so I had get you know, I had planned her funeral for a couple of years because I wanted it to be.
Speaker 2:
I had two videos of her life and because she I had a Filipino kids singing, because she was went to the Philippines, because her whole life was about missions too, and so it was like, and I had yeah, it's just planned this amazing thing, but it just showed me that God has a different plan. You know what I'm saying, but I just could not understand why this was happening to my mother, and I know it happened. There's a million other people that have the same stories but it was very traumatizing. I couldn't get help, I didn't want to drop her off at an ER and I mean it goes on and on my gosh friend and so I want to apologize.
Speaker 1:
Like you had that experience, right, that's hard, it's super hard, and I just understand and I know the women listening to this can understand and relate. And I was going to talk to you about being the sudden caregiver, but something you said you're quite God, why, why? So here you are. You've never missed a Sunday. You faithful your whole life. How did this impact your relationship with God? Did you wrestle with him over this?
Speaker 2:
A little bit. But I've also always had faith in God because of my mother's example, and so I knew that, yes, at first it was like again why God Did you is this? Why is my mom suffering? Because she really suffered the last few days of her life, really suffered, and of course I questioned myself did I do the right thing? And then, is it my fault? There's a lot of guilt involved, because I could have dropped her off at the ER, but with her having Alzheimer's it would have scared her out of her mind. And my daughter was a PA and she said, mom, if you drop her off, you'll never see her again. And so I'm going off the subject, aren't I? But anyway so she.
Speaker 2:
So I ended up fighting with the doctor to get me home health, but then one of the nurses at home health almost lost his job because he came and then hospice wouldn't come, and it's just, they just dropped off medicine at the door and I ended up sending my daughter. My daughter had three little boys and one she was still nursing, and that was when it was a no to get on the plane, and so she had to get on the plane anyway, leave her children with her husband and come and administer medication to her own grandmother until she died, because we just couldn't. I couldn't get the help that I needed, but anyways it's. If you read the book you'll see that it was. I realized in the long run that it was a plan from God from the get go, because my daughter learned how to give my dad that was a diabetic shots insulin shots by her, by my mother when she was a little girl, because she, this daughter is so much like my mother and so my mother taught her how to take care of others, and it was just so full circle that she ended up coming and taking care of my mother. That taught her so much about caring for others. And so God had a plan from From day one.
Speaker 2:
It's just hard to see it when you're fighting to save your mom. It's hard to see it in the moment. My daughter writes the forward of the book and she writes about that how, in the end, we had one wonderful caretaker that stayed at the end to be with mom because my daughter needed to go home and nurse her pump milk for the baby that she left in Atlanta, and so when my daughter and I left too. It's in the book but anyway. So we weren't with mama when she died. She ended up dying during the night with. The caretaker said oh no, go risk, go pump the milk for the baby.
Speaker 2:
My daughter writes in the forward that she struggled at first when mama died. How can this be happening? But why do I have peace? For some reason she had a little more peace than I did and she says I know why. She says I know that my grandmother would have been saying now, honey, you go back and you pump that milk for that baby, because that's what that baby needs. Don't you worry about me, because that's how my mother was. She was such a selfless. Everybody that knew her.
Speaker 2:
So I really wanted to honor my mom right in this book, because everybody, if I write one thing on Facebook or anything about my mom, everybody that she taught Sunday school to with to these kids, they all go on and on. She touched so many people's lives because I write about the book of him. It's an old him called Others, lord, just Others. Let that Armato Be. But that's how my mother was. She was just all about others. So I have to tell myself and I've that God had a plan and he always does.
Speaker 2:
I'm a planner and I'm a control freak. My mother was not like that. I'm a lot different than my mother in a lot of ways. I like to think I'm a little bit like her in some ways, because I could never be the person she was. But I am a control freak and I really wanted to control every day when she was dying and everything. I wanted to control that whole funeral that I had planned for two years and I'm the one that has the kids stockings done in July because I'm a planner.
Speaker 2:
But my mom just always went with the flow and she was never scared. She would go to church in the middle of the night to get the Sunday school book she forgot. But that was back when you didn't have to lock the church doors and I would be petrified that. She would always say God's going to take care of us my whole life. Those were the words I heard God's going to take care of us. She never had a drop of fear in her body, so she was just. I really wanted this book to help others because I know people have a million stories like mine and I know I wanted to be a reflection on mom because mom always was helping others, so I run. I'm not an author. This is the first book, so I'm like okay, I just if it'll help one person. I know that my mom be smiling from heaven because that's what she would want is to let others know that they're not. They're going down, especially those that have walked down the same path that I've walked on. Wow.
Speaker 1:
I just I love this so much and just what a beautiful way to honor the legacy that is your mom, because most of the time, our legacy just lives through our children and we just pray and we hope that our children do better than us normally and you're sharing this beautiful gift of your mother with the whole world and I think that's really special.
Speaker 2:
I think that's really special Thanks.
Speaker 1:
Yes, okay, so you found yourself as this sudden caregiver. You knew that your mom had to mention things. And then, with the pandemic and everything, what was the biggest challenge for you as you dealt with that?
Speaker 2:
Oh gosh, before the pandemic or during it, or both.
Speaker 1:
Both right. I feel like it's women. We find ourselves in that situation, whether it's a parent or even a sick child that you're not anticipating. I had a friend go through that a couple years ago healthy child in the next day in the hospital for six months, and so it can happen in every season, and so how to deal with that?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I never really expected to have to take care of my mom. You never think about that happening to you, right? And then? But I did. For over eight to 10 years at least, I was her caretaker and it was a slow progression. But then when she got dementia and she could no longer live by herself or in an assisted living, I had to start thinking about caretakers and then trying to initially find caretakers when you're juggling your own family.
Speaker 2:
I had five kids and all these grandchildren being born and they were in different states. So it was like how am I gonna, how can I do this? And again, I'm a control freak. So I'm like who can I find to take care of my mom, that will take care of her like I will? And you'll never find that. But and that was something I had to learn to leave in God's hands and let go of a little bit, because you wanna find the best person you can find. But they're not gonna be 100% like a family member.
Speaker 2:
But the most important thing was trying to find somebody that was caring, loving, dependable, trustworthy. So that was the whole process. But most importantly, when somebody has dementia, you gotta have somebody that's patient. To me that was the big key, because they repeat themselves. They don't know where they are. They don't.
Speaker 2:
If anybody's had a loved one with dementia, they know what I'm talking about and there's people that don't have patients with that, and so that was really important to me. Yeah, we ended up finding caretakers that were as good as I think I could find, but it was. It took a long time because I went through home care agencies and you just have to be mindful when you're doing that. If you're keeping a loved one at home, that a lot of times they'll tell you they're sending their best person, but it's usually whoever's available at the time. So I had to learn that lesson. I went through several home care agencies and then I think if you're looking for a home to put them in, then I think you really need to do so much research and research with the caregivers.
Speaker 2:
No matter what you're doing, you gotta do a lot of research If you can't physically take care of them every second yourself. It was a hard journey. It was a hard journey but we did end up finding some good caretakers One that ended up staying with mama until she died. And then there was some that got scared and ran because of the pandemic and but again I've learned that at first I was upset about that, but I've learned to forgive and I understand that people were. We didn't know a lot back then, so people were scared. But anyway, I'm going off on another tangent, sorry.
Speaker 1:
That's okay, do not apologize. Do not apologize. I love honest conversation and that I just appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in sharing what you walk through as a family, because it is exciting that we now get this beautiful book out of it and that you get to share the story and again your mom's legacy gets to live on outside of your family tree and I think that's beautiful. So just thank you again for being just so honest and raw and vulnerable. So I would love to I mean we've touched on this a little bit but like, how did your faith really help you get through this right and get through all of the challenges finding the right caregivers and even diagnosis, all those things? How does, how do I get you through it?
Speaker 2:
Yes, I don't think I could have done it without faith, because it is a very challenging and I didn't have family near me, so it was solely me. And when you take on a parent, when you were the especially, my mom became my baby. So when they have dementia and she went into Alzheimer's, so when she truly became my child and you know what it's like as a parent, you are totally responsible for everything that happens to that baby.
Speaker 2:
And again, I didn't have family, so it was just solely me and God. I had to depend on God, and especially when I was making decisions and trying to be her advocate, because that's the most important thing I didn't say that, but that's the most important thing that you can do is for your loved one is be their advocate, because they can't no, they can no longer speak for themselves or they're not capable or able to speak for themselves. So if you're not there, they have no one. They're so vulnerable. It's scary. It's scary.
Speaker 2:
The things that I had to go through with my mom. If I hadn't been there for her, I don't know. But anyway, god, I could not have done it without my faith. It was a huge part of my journey and a huge source of comfort and strength. When she died and the grief that followed, and I just had to learn to lean on him and leave everything in his hands, because I would try to take control, but I had to learn to leave everything in his hands. But that's the essence of this book was my journey with mom and with having to have faith and God by my side. He was, he's, my friend anyway. Jesus is my friend and my partner. You have to have somebody with, in my opinion, but that's because I was raised with faith and I know, I just know, I've lived it.
Speaker 2:
And all these little miracles kept happening. If you leave it, if you leave everything in God's hands and you're aware, I've had to learn that over the last. I grew up in the church, of course, but I didn't. You know how you pray for things. You beg for things when you want God. But I've learned that if I hand everything over to God and I say I thank him in advance, and then that means I'm trusting him, and then if I do that, and then I just let it go, and then I'm gonna and I can, and I'm aware. If you're aware, then you see all these little miracles happening every day. And that's what took place Every day, like when I'm fighting for oxygen for my mom and then all of a sudden I finally get the phone call and I'd say thank you, this kid would be bringing the oxygen and I'm begging him like would you please bring it first, because I've been waiting for three days for oxygen, and then the little boy would show up.
Speaker 2:
First he said okay, and then, like when my mom was, I was trying to get home, I was fighting with the doctor, literally fighting, and I didn't know if he was gonna give me home health or not. My mom's gasping for air and and he's. And finally, at five o'clock that day I get a phone call from home health and the lady says oh, it's the weekend, I don't know if I can send any to body tonight. And then she calls me back. She says you're in, you're in luck. I have a lady, a man, that nurse, that's not supposed to be working this weekend, but he says he'll come right now.
Speaker 2:
And he just ended up and my mom was had. They always had trouble getting IVs in her and I started crying with him and I'm like you're not gonna be able to get an IV in her tomorrow. When he told me he said I'll start tomorrow and I was like he's. Oh, you just don't know. I'm a pediatric trained nurse. I'll bring the tiniest needles and I'm like, oh, that's a miracle from God, that's a miracle. And he stayed the whole weekend when he wasn't supposed to even be working. So there were all these miracles that happened during the whole, which you'll read about in the book, but I'm probably giving the whole book away.
Speaker 1:
I love this. My kids call them God nods, like all the time. They're like it's just a little acknowledgement from God that he's aware of you and your needs and I know that I'm personally so grateful for those, because when you're, when you're facing something that feels really insurmountable and it's hard, and you're like God, where are you in this? I feel like he does a really good job of making his presence known if you're open and willing to pay attention. Exactly so I love that you shared that.
Speaker 1:
I feel like we always have it every time we're running late to church and just happen to hit every single green light and my kids are like praise God, thank you, thank you for the God nod, like we're not gonna be late to church now because we had every single green light and I'm like it. But it's really cool to see you can train yourself to see the miracles that God provides, and I'm grateful for even these small things, like and putting the right people in the right places and showing up when you need them too. So I love and appreciate you sharing this story so much, because I think we need it when we're in the thick of things. Yes, exactly, I beyond appreciate it. So if you had to leave everybody with a final piece of advice, what would it be?
Speaker 2:
About loved ones taking care of loved ones.
Speaker 1:
All of it. Whatever God is telling you to leave them, I'm going to let you do it.
Speaker 2:
If you're taking care of loved ones because that's what the book is about then just make sure you're there. Even if you have to have help, you've got to be the one in charge and don't mind speaking up, because my mom, for instance, was back in the day. You were taught to whatever the doctor said, whatever the teacher says, whatever the whatever. You just listen and you do. But I feel like when the pandemic happened there's I don't know, I don't know, maybe I lost a lot of faith in the healthcare system. So I think that you, just you have to listen to God, listen to your heart and do what's right for your loved one. Don't care what somebody else thinks. It's like your child in school. You have to be their advocate. We're that for our children.
Speaker 2:
But I think a lot of times the elderly just get left behind. I don't think. I think the healthcare system forgets about them. They think, oh, they're going to die anyway. Like one of my daughter-in-law said oh, people asked me how old was. We call it. The grandchildren caught her great nine when she died and when I said 91, they go. Oh, my mom was a beautiful soul, and every elderly person. They have a lot of wisdom to give us and they've taught us so much and I still think in their final days they're teaching us if we're only willing to listen. But so many get lost by the way because they don't have anybody and I think they just you have to be their advocate, you have to just stand up.
Speaker 2:
If my mom, if I hadn't been there for her, I just don't know what happened. She would have been in the hospital. And this happened to too many people. They were dropped off, scared to death, people looking at them through the windows and it's just sad.
Speaker 2:
I just hope that our world has learned from this because it should never happen again. And I think I should have a right that if I had taken my mom to the hospital, that I should have had a right to be able to go up there with her. If I wanted to put let's just say it was dangerous, but it's my life that if I wanted to be there for my mother, that I should have a right to, but instead I had to keep. I kept her home on purpose, but still people didn't know what to do and they didn't have a choices and they did drop loved ones off and that just happened and I know we didn't know a lot back then, but we know a lot now. So I'm just praying that we have learned from all these lessons and that our world does a better job in the future.
Speaker 1:
Yes, I love and appreciate that so much. I remember I had surgery at the minor surgery in July of 2020. And my husband was able to drop me off and pick me up, but he couldn't be there while I had surgery, and that's a I have a very protective husband and that did not sit well with him at all. And so, yes, I love that. You have to be the advocate for whatever it is that is going. You have to be somebody's advocate.
Speaker 1:
And so just thank you for this. E closing your book. Where can everybody go get your book and where can they go find you on social media?
Speaker 2:
You can pre-order the book Amazon right now, and then Marshagrayhillcom is our website.
Speaker 1:
Y'all. Please go connect with her. She is so lovely. I know you can't see her, but she is super lovely. Please go connect with her, go follow her everywhere, go order the book. The book is so cute. Like I love your book cover, I'm telling you I think it's the cutest thing. It is every bit of your personality on it.
Speaker 1:
And so just thank you for being here and just sharing your story. Oh, it was great being here. Awesome, until next time, friends. Hey friend, what a joy it has been to share today's journey with you. If you found a spark of inspiration or a nugget of wisdom that resonated, would you bless someone else by sharing this episode with them? It could be the encouragement they need to step into their purpose and quality. Also, if you could spare a moment to leave a review, it would mean the world to me. I really appreciate your feedback and it really helps our community grow. Remember, the road to discovering God's call for you isn't one you have to walk alone. So join me again next Monday for another episode where we'll continue to explore the depths of leadership and the heights of our heavenly calling. Until then, keep seeking, keep growing and keep trusting in His plan. God bless you and I'll catch you on the flip side. Bye, friend.
